it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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