the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
