...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
