Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
