took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
