your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
