I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
