Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
farters have to be the big spoon...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
