Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
do nipples grow back?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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