Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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