Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This is my gift to your gina
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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