This is not my ceiling
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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