Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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