my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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