I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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