I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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