you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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