best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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