Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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