Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
