i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
