If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
