just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
