You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
