pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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