so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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