Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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