I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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