I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
