its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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