I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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