I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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