Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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