Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
