At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dignity is for republicans.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
