Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
