we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize