I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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