I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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