At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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