My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
