i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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