make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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