Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
