sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
