I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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