This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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