What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
