We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
