Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
