thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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