She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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