I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
