Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
