Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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