I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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