Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
