I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
