Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
