i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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