All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize