I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
