No stitches, just platelets and will power
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my shit smells like andre
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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