can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
