dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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