I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
sex in a hospital.. check
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
