It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
