I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
