I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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