How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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