if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
