Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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