i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize