Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
as a side note pls kill me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize