i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
