How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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