We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize