my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
