Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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