Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
