my phone needs a breathalizer
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
