pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
