Me. At least after what I've been through.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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