I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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