the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
