I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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