I'm lost and stupid without you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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