Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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