I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
