it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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