i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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