Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
