I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
