I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
