Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize