Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
it's great music for shaving your balls
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
