it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
