i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize